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Not Ready for Granny Panties
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The Woman’s Book of Dirty Words–Print and Ebook Now Available! (FOR NEW NRFGP POSTS, SCROLL DOWN!)


By: Mary Fran Bontempo


Finally! Both the print and ebook versiona of The Woman’s Book of Dirty Words are now available on Amazon and Barnes & Order your copy today!


The Woman’s Book of Dirty Words

We women talk—a lot. Yet, the words that take others to their happy place often make us miserable. Words like “vacation,” “dinner,” and “holidays” can leave us breathing into a paper bag with our heads between our knees. It doesn’t have to be that way. Join Mary Fran Bontempo and redefine the “dirty words” that make women cringe. You’ll laugh, learn, make some changes and trim your “dirty words” list down to size!


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What Lies Beneath

By: Mary Fran Bontempo

It’s a sad state of affairs.

With a change of season, women’s thoughts often turn to revamping a wardrobe. It’s all about what’s new and trendy. And also–let’s call it what it is–it’s about what’s going to make other women look at us and say, “Damn, she looks good!” On the outside, I think I’m doing okay. But underneath, well…not so much. As I clean out my closet and drawers, one place in particular gives me pause–and a stomach ache.

I refer, embarrassingly enough, to my undies drawer.

If you’ve been following us for a while now, you know we make a point of proudly claiming we’re Not Ready for Granny Panties—witness the title of the blog, as well as, hopefully, our fun-loving, spirited take on life. It’s a metaphor, in a sense. We’re young at heart, vibrant and not ready to be consigned to the images we all hold of our grandmas, regardless of our personal status in that department.

To that end, we try to dress fashionably, adapting trends to suit our station—in other words, trying to avoid looking like we’re ninety and at the same time not trying to delude ourselves into thinking we’re sixteen by dressing the part.

Unfortunately, my undies have not taken up the call to arms; they’ve given up the ghost. A recent inspection of my unmentionables revealed a selection of delicates falling into two distinct categories: “Purchased at Kmart” and sporting labels like Joe Boxer, Hanes and Fruit of the Loom, and “Who the Heck Knows”, purchased who knows where and sporting no labels as they are so old the tags have fallen off or faded away completely.

And yes, there are granny panties. It’s not that I don’t want to wear pretty underthings. It’s more that the “Out of sight, out of mind” policy applies. The only one who gets a good look at my personals is me, and then it’s only a passing glance in the bathroom mirror after the morning shower. It’s not a pretty sight, so I spare myself undue pain by throwing on my clothes as quickly as possible.

Plus, the idea of going out of my comfort zone in this particular area is intimidating, not to mention possibly genuinely uncomfortable. Seriously, a thong? Is it me or does it seem akin to having a piece of dental floss permanently stuck between your teeth, but in this case, not your teeth?

Then, there’s the money thing. Good lingerie can be a bit pricey, and why spend the dough on something no one else sees, especially when Kmart carries the Joe Boxer brand? After all, at this point in life, does anyone really care what we’re wearing underneath our clothes?

But according to Patty Tilney, owner of Sweet Blossoms Lingerie Boutique in Doylestown, PA, now is exactly the right time for us ladies in the middle to splurge on lovely intimates, and even try a (gulp) thong.

“Certainly, it’s a personal preference, but there are very comfortable thongs available. We stock a brand called Hanky Panky that gets high marks from customers,” Patty says. “If the thong isn’t working, many bikinis and boy shorts are laser cut to give the no panty line effect with better coverage.”

Patty adds, “As for investing in nice under garments, it’s especially important for women, who are always busy taking care of others, to indulge in something nice for themselves. Our customers say they feel so good, like a new person after purchasing quality intimates. The first time they buy they may see it as an indulgence, but after that, they tell me it’s a necessity.”

Given that my drawer is home to bras that have been around since the Regan administration, Patty also tells me it’s time to move on, and especially, to get a fitting.

“Unfortunately, as with most women’s clothing, there’s no standardization in bras,” Patty tells me. “A good fitting is essential, as is knowing the merchandise. Sizes can vary even with the same manufacturer. The right bra makes everything look better.”

So perhaps it is time to put my sad unmentionables out of their misery and leave the Joe Boxers to guys named Joe, who actually wear boxers. After all, there’s nothing wrong with feeling pretty, even if I’m the only one who actually sees it. (Although new undies do open the door to possibilities….)

As for the thong? I think I’ll just stick to flossing my teeth.

Visit Sweet Blossoms at 65 S. Main Street, Doylestown, PA 18901. 215.345.5140

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Latest on The Scoop Radio–Listen In!

The ScoopListen in on the latest from The Scoop Radio as Mary Fran Bontempo and co-hosts Phyllis Smith and Zarinah Hameen talk business, life and entertainment (what, no meat dress for Lady Gaga at the Emmys this year?!). We’re on live every Tuesday on WWDB AM 860 in Philadelphia. Or listen after the show online. Let us know what you think!

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The Skinny on Fall Fashions

(An earlier version of this post appeared in Women’s Voices Magazine.)

By: Mary Fran Bontempo

leggingsIt’s almost fall, when the first chill touches the air, as we dig out cozy sweaters, long pants, scarves and all manner of clothing that covers. And it can’t come a moment too soon.

After a summer at the Jersey shore, I’ve had my fill of flesh. Along with the blessing of months on the beach comes the often frightening parade of people intent on showing the world all they have to offer and then some. I figure that by season’s end, I’ve personally viewed enough swim suit exposed epidermis to cover all the acreage of Yosemite National Park. I am satiated with skin.

So I look forward to fall, when we are forced to camouflage our “assets” with clothing that leaves things better imagined up to the imagination. I scour women’s magazines, eagerly anticipating the latest fashion trends, which justifies a trip to the mall and, if not exactly a complete wardrobe overhaul, will at least leave me feeling current and not hopelessly frumpy with my closet full of “nothing to wear” (which, by the way, has been determined by a bunch of male ophthalmologists to be a disease of the eye striking women in their teens and lasting until death.)

Imagine my utter horror, then, to again discover women’s magazines ablaze with some form of the headline, “Leggings and Skinny Jeans are Back! And YES! You Can Wear Them!”

Well, no, I can’t. And I’m willing to bet that neither can most of America—including the guys. Some words just shouldn’t be dangled in front of the general populace when talking fashion, unless they come pre-packaged with a magic wand. “Skinny” is one of them.

Let’s talk leggings. Made mostly of spandex—either savior or demon to every “real” woman on the planet—leggings are, in a word, borderline offensive. Okay, that’s two words, because I wanted to allow that little girls, teens and some young women in their twenties can pull off leggings. The rest of us should probably think twice—or three or four or twelve times before squashing our legs into human sausage casings.

Designed to cling, leggings hug every conceivable lump, bump and bulge, and not in a warm and fuzzy way. Leggings can make a size six look fat. Much to my chagrin, I wore leggings in the eighties, and though it sometimes takes me a while to learn from my mistakes, with leggings, a few turns of the pages of an old photo album jump started my leap onto the learning curve. Leggings were only one of my fashion faux pas, (home perms anyone?) but boy, were they a biggie.

Unless you are an emaciated actress or model—do not wear leggings. Anyone who tells you they look good on you is trying to a) steal your boyfriend, b) make themselves look good by making you look like a cow in contrast, or c) is your boyfriend or husband and simply trying to avoid getting yelled by saying the leggings make you look fat.

Unless the leggings are made with reinforced steel, they will not hold you in in all of the places you need holding in. You might as well wear a bikini to the mall in November for all of the coverage you’re going to get from leggings. And please don’t do that.

A long tunic might provide some coverage if you insist on indulging. Yes the tunic must be long, but unless it’s floor length, don’t think it will completely cover up that weird, bulgy place on the inside of your thighs, which will be on full display with your leggings. It will not. And you do have that weird, bulgy place. All women, except that anomaly of nature, Cara Delevingne (the ridiculously skinny English model whose thighs do not touch and who has inspired previously sane women to undergo lunchtime liposuction), have bulgy thighs.

If you insist on wearing leggings, be sure to buy several rolls of duct tape along with the leggings. If you tightly wrap your legs, hips and butt with duct tape, you might be able to pull off leggings. Maybe. I doubt it.

Don’t even get me started on skinny jeans. At least spandex has a little give. Skinny jeans? As in skinny denim? Not only will normal sized women have trouble getting the jeans past their thighs and hips, most of us will break a major sweat trying to getting our feet and ankles through the leg openings at the bottom of the pants. Even if you should manage to hold your breath long enough to get the jeans on and buttoned, unless you happen to be built like a flagpole, there’s nothing about this fashion DON’T that will make you look skinny—or attractive. (See aforementioned paragraphs on reinforced steel, thigh bulges and duct tape.)

I’m thrilled that it’s time to cover up for fall. But unless leggings and skinny jeans come with a magic spell and a gross of tape, I’ll find other options. In fact, maybe I’ll forgo shopping and just wear what’s in my closet.

Even with a room full of “nothing to wear,” there’s gotta be something better than that.

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Contest Winner!

mfbeachI was so overwhelmed with all the positive responses to our ” what will you do in the cool weather contest” I needed to take a minute. Actually, I fell asleep on the beach, and my daughter came home from work and found me here… 😊 #mytime

I am SO impressed and excited to see our#notreadyforgrannypanties ladies speaking up and taking time to enjoy themselves! WE deserve a little#metime… So thank you to ALL who participated! I wish I could give you each a copy, but I have to make money somehow!

That’s why I have randomly chosen one of our fabulous#nrfgp ladies to receive the latest book!!

And the winner is….

Kathleen Nagle-Wilson!! Thank you Kathleen for joining our contest!

Stay tuned for the latest and greatest from Not Ready For Granny Panties !

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Mary Fran Co-Hosting The Scoop Radio–Listen In!

The ScoopWell, The Scoop radio with Phyllis Smith on WWDB AM 860 in Philadelphia has some new co-hosts, one of whom is Mary Fran Bontempo! Yep, I’ll be joining the show regularly with Phyllis and Zarinah Hameen every Tuesday from noon to 1 PM.

The Scoop is the perfect lunch time companion. A light-hearted program that covers all of the days news, it’s like having lunch with friends.

If you missed last week’s broadcast, listen in here. And join us every Tuesday for some fun, conversation, and The Scoop on today’s topics! Let us know what you think–we’d love to hear from you!                                               

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Contest Time!


Emmas feetAlright ladies.. Summer may be over but that doesn’t mean we need to sink into a “cool weather funk”! Tell us what you plan to do this fall to keep your granny panties packed away! ( and yes I can post this, that’s my grand baby, Emma, who is also not happy summer is over!)

Answer one of the following questions and tag a friend for your chance to win a copy of the latest ‪NRFGP book–The Woman’s Book of Dirty Words!

1. What fall activities do you have planned for YOU?

2. What shows are you ready to get back into?

3. What keeps you going through the week? Caffeine or extra sleep?

Men- you may answer for the lady in your life!

Enter by ‪#‎Friday‬ September 18th to win!

Let’s plan to keep ourselves a priority during the crazy fall months! WE deserve it!
‪#‎womeninbusiness‬ ‪#‎Notreadyforgrannypanties‬ ‪#‎contest‬ ‪#‎maryfranbontempo‬

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Having Fun–Year Long

By: Mary Fran Bontempo

SplitShire-1270Waaaaa! It’s September, which means summer is over, which means no more vacation, or real fun, for another nine moths. Or does it?

Sure, September means getting back to normal routines, the end of lazy days and weeks off from work and school. But does it mean that fun has to disappear for nine months?

Joy, fun and play don’t have to strictly belong to summer. Check out my latest column in Women’s Voices Magazine to read more. And remember to put some fun into every day!