By:  Gayle Crist Shisler

Gayle Shisler offers sound advice for singles during the emotionally charged holiday season. And single or attached, a video at the column’s end provides a light note on the topic!

As the holidays and the end of the year approach, it’s a good time to step back and assess where we’re at in our lives. Are you satisfied with the life you’ve created? Happy with the quality and quantity of friends in your circle? At peace with the progress you’ve made toward your life goals? Content with the choices you’ve made this year?

For single, divorced, and widowed people, this is an especially good time to look at the big picture rather than the little setbacks and to give yourself some gifts that keep on giving. Here are some examples:

1) Focus on the Lessons: Instead of fixating on the fact you might not be dating someone at the moment, think about the experiences and relationships you’ve had over the past year and how much you’ve grown and learned from them. Realize that those lessons are invaluable in helping you attract better dates in the future. Write them down, study them and promise yourself to put them into practice so you can take a new approach next year.

2) Remember Who Loves You: Instead of lamenting the fact there’s no significant other in your life yet, focus on the many people who ALREADY love and cherish you—your parents, siblings, children, close friends, coworkers, and neighbors. You’re never alone when you have a supportive circle like that! Make a list of all of them and keep it where you can see it every day…to remind yourself of the most precious blessings in your life and how lovable you really are.

3) Gift Yourself With Extreme Self-Care: When you feel vulnerable, sad, or fragile, that’s the time to give yourself an extra dose of TLC. Be especially tender, loving, caring and gentle with yourself. Resolve to stop the judgment, negative self-talk and criticism—throughout the entire holiday season if possible. Keep a record of all the kind, self-caring things you do for your body, mind and spirit this month and know that you deserve every single one of those things!

4) Get Out There and Keep Looking: The smartest thing single people can do to maximize their chances of meeting someone special is to get out there and look. Accept every invitation you can to holiday parties and gatherings. Attend 1 or 2 holiday and New Year’s Eve singles events. Join a singles or hobby Meetup Group ( to find new like-minded friends. Try a new online dating site for a month and write everybody you’re interested in. Do all this with the intention of making friends who might turn into romances, NOT with a sense of urgency about meeting “The One.” (Those vibes are not very attractive.)

By using all 4 of these strategies, you’ll create much happier holidays. You’ll be focusing more on what you have rather than what you don’t have…a great way to make this holiday season one of inner peace, contentment and self-love! Try it…I’ll be rooting for you! 🙂

Gayle Crist Shisler, M.S., is a life coach and dating coach in Doylestown. As a life coach, she helps women balance work and family, stick with exercise, get through life transitions such as separation/divorce and job layoff, or start their own small business. As a dating coach, she helps singles over 40 discover places to meet people their age, to improve their confidence for dating, and create profiles for online dating. Gayle is also a motivational speaker, seminar leader, copy editor, proofreader, and author of the book How I Met My Second Husband Online at Age 50.

Information about her life coaching services is at, and info on her dating coaching services is at She can be reached at 215-489-0225 or

And now, watch the video below for tips on what not to do when out for a night on the town!