By: Mary Fran Bontempo

golden_globes_logo_2011Last Sunday saw the Golden Globes, the Oscars’ drunken cousin, again assaulting the airwaves with its annual public Hollywood A.A. meeting airing on NBC. As an awards season junkie, yes, I watched, and as always, I have some thoughts and opinions, which will never be taken into account by anyone but me, to share. The Globes always make me feel better about myself, especially because it’s the one awards show where the creme de la creme are almost expected to behave badly–and often do….


1.  Ricky Gervais is gross. Period. And he delights in getting more foul every time he’s asked back. Enough already. Bring back Tina and Amy. Or Neil Patrick Harris. Or those two adorable little kids from “Blackish.” Bring back anyone but Ricky Gervais.

2.  JLo cannot, I’m happy to report, wear anything. The voluminous canary yellow dress she drug around all night made her look like Big Bird. In drag, but still Big Bird. I’m usually waiting to see which part of her body will be hanging out of her Globes dress, but this one covered her completely and I hated it. Of course that could be because I cannot wear yellow and I do not look like JLo. And what was with the leg sticking out? Wasn’t Angelina Jolie mocked enough for that move to let everyone know it looks stupid and vain? But I am glad I was spared yet another look at Jenny-from-the-block’s boobs or butt.

3.  Kate Hudson, on the other hand, could have used some of Jo-Lo’s excess fabric. Presenting next to her step-father, a still handsome after all these years, Kurt Russell, Kate wore a sequined tube top with a matching long skirt that looked like it was off the rack from Forever 21. Plus, it just looked creepy next to her dad. Ew.

4.  My sentimental favorite–Sylvester Stallone winning the Best Supporting Actor award for Creed. Sly looked dapper and thanked his “best friend” Rocky Balboa for being the best friend a guy could have. Nice.

5.  Best new growth of facial hair–John Krasinski. The formerly soft and sweet Jim from TV’s The Office, Krasinski bulked up and added a full beard for his latest role in 13 Hours. Presumably, wife, Emily Blunt, is a fan as John is still sporting the growth. Again, nice. Very nice.

6.  Best removal of facial hair–Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt. Both of these mega-stars have appeared in the recent past looking homeless. I’m sorry, fellas, but when you have the faces you two do, and you expect people to pay big bucks to watch you in the movies, you have an obligation to give us women what we want, which is both of you clean-shaven. We’d like other things from you, too, but let’s start there. Women everywhere remembered just why we go ga-ga over you both.

7.  Helen Mirren never misses, either in a performance or especially in formal wear. If you’re a woman of a certain age and you’re wondering how to dress for a special event, Google Helen Mirren. Then Google Jane Fonda and do not wear anything like that off-white abomination she wore. Jane looked like she was about to drown in a sea of ruffles. Yuck.

Again, these are only my mindless, jealous of the beautiful people, opinions, but yes, I definitely feel better now. Next month it’s the Oscars, which will no doubt be more sedate and probably more boring, but at least we won’t have to look at Ricky Gervais sloshing a beer to the microphone every time he was supposed to say something. Then again, the Oscars’ host is Chris Rock, which may lead to all sorts of trouble. Buckle up fans, it may be a bumpy awards season!