by Chrysa Smith

I have two poodles. Every time I go out, I wonder what happens at home. I’m not curious enough to install a camera, so I imagine their communication goes something like this:

Where is she going again?

She mumbled something about getting dog food.

What’s that?

Beats me.

I’m hungry.

I’m thirsty.

I’m tired.

Me too.

That couch looks good.

Where is she?

How long has she been gone?

Don’t know, but can’t wait till she gets home.

Wait, I think I hear something.

Yay, Mom’s home.

Wait, where’s she going now?

Phew. Just upstairs.

Now, where’s she going?

Phew. Just downstairs.

Why doesn’t she just sit herself down?

I don’t know. Just looking at her makes me tired.

Back to that couch.

What are your pets thinking/saying?