MARY FRAN BONTEMPO is a speaker, author and humorist who teaches audiences to control their most powerful influence: Self-Talk. Author of The Woman’s Book of Dirty Words, and Not Ready for Granny Panties, Mary Fran proves small changes in self-talk yield big life changes, allowing individuals to redefine their lives both professionally and personally in a rapidly changing world.
A Huffington Post and Thrive Global contributor, and regular columnist for Women’s Voices Magazine and Best Kept Self, Mary Fran inspires and motivates readers and listeners to tame the self-talk beast, leading them to personal and professional renewal and success. After thirty years’ experience as owner of a full-service recruiting firm, and finding herself in the middle of a perfect life storm—turning 50, a crashing economy, and most devastating, a son with serious addiction issues—Mary Fran created the blog, Not Ready for Granny Panties, authoring two books in the series and developing a life-affirming brand full of practical wisdom and wit. A frequent media guest and speaker, audiences delight in her empowering and entertaining message.
As another Mother’s Day approaches and I read all the lovely stories of special gifts, days of pampering and loving sentiments, I can’t help but think – WHAT HAPPENED IN MY HOUSE?!!!
You see I live in a house of all men. Two I bore and one I married. So I have come to realize that if I don’t plan it, buy it, cook it or leave detailed instructions on how to do it – IT’S NOT HAPPENING! My husband is of the mind that since I am not his mother, he is off the hook for Mother’s Day. And the boys, well they’re just boys (19 and 16) and they take their cue from their father.
So as I started to plan this year’s Mother’s Day for myself, I fast forwarded into the future envisioning my boys, married, with children, and a wife who is thinking to herself, “Are you really not going to do anything for me, the mother of your children because I’m not YOUR mother?! WHO RAISED YOU?!”
Now, I have a mission. I must, for the sake of my boys’ marriages and happiness, teach, train, nag, do anything I can to show my boys the proper way to do Mother’s Day.
So this year when I write my explicit instructions for the day, and shop for and buy the ingredients for my special, cooked by me dinner, I’ll do it without the resentment, nasty thoughts, and snide comments when I’m asked where I’ve been. I’ll do it with a new sense of pride and purpose. I’ll do it with the thoughtfullness, caring and attention to detail that I want the special women who will marry my sons, love them, make them happy and be the mother of their children to have.
My Mother’s Day will be just that, another day of being a mother.
Last year for Mother’s Day, my husband took me to New York City for the day along with another couple. I know what you’re thinking. That sounds great, right? Well, to be honest, the reason we all found ourselves in New York was simply because we had to go to see our kids! Between both couples, there are five children, and each of us had one child in New York who was willing to donate a few hours of precious time on Mother’s Day! All of our other children were either out of state, working in hospitals on various shifts, or otherwise unavailable. It turned out to be one of the best Mother’s Days, complete with a carriage ride in Central Park. And, when I thought about it later, isn’t that what truly makes us the mother’s that we are? We’d all go to the ends of the earth for our children. Happy Mother’s Day.
The women on my husband’s side of the family really knew how to celebrate mother’s day in style. They would always organize great outings – bus trips to Atlantic City, wonderful dinner parties, brunch or teas…and they would always include my mom, which made it extra fun. We all had such a blast, and now, as all the moms are either gone or not healthy enough to endure a day out, I am reminded of how short our time together is. I still have my mom, and I am so grateful for that! Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, especially mine!
DMB said… Having my two kids is the best and rewarding thing that could have happen to me; knowing that they are happy and pursuing their dreams is what makes my Mother’s Days’ that much more satisfying. My mother was unfortunately taken from us too young; however, by watching her raise eight children I learned the values of nurturing, compassion, selflessness, and unconditional love; I hope my children feel the same. I can only hope that my mom is proud of how I raised her grandkids, and I am now looking forward to the next chapters of our lives together.
Would the “Anonymous” writer consider leaving a name to the comment so we can enter you into the contest? With a comment like that, you certainly deserve a chance to win!
Mothers Day is bitter sweet… It is a day where I’m blessed to be able to take my mother out at 81 yrs old & celebrate her choices in life that included producing three wonderful children, teaching us values, ambition, humility, character and compassion for all 2 & 4 legged creatures. However it is a constant reminder of my infertility during times when adoption & medical options were cost prohibitive. In addition to that, I had 3 life threatening recurring brain tumor surgeries that prevented me from believing I’d be a good candidate for motherhood in the long term. So, I am a proud mother of 9 special needs 4 legged rescue children who need me. It is with great sadness knowing I will most likely outlive my furry children however I’ve received so much happiness that everything I learned about being human I learned from my canine kids. My mother still offers to
babysit for her pawfect grand-canines whenever I need
an assist!
I get a lot of flack for saying I believe God is a woman but I don’t know a guy who keeps it together without a good wife or mom, I love u mom thanks for Everything!
This will be my 2nd mothers day coming, and all’s I can think about is how my mother made me the mom I am today. When were growing up, we think our Mom’s are born Mom’s, and that their only interest in life is to be a Mom,like a robot… and that they never suffer any hardship giving up every single thing for us…well two years ago that opinion swiftly changed in my mind forever. I thought as soon as your baby was born you instantly had all the answers, that everything would be so easy, that you knew all the right words, that you had an endless supply of patience, and what I saw was that my Mom was not born a Mom, she became one for me, that she might not wanted to have giving up everything for me, but she did, she might have felt like screaming and crying at me, but she didnt, she could have been selfish, but she chose not to. The best gift a mother can give her child is showing her also how to be a wonderful mom, my greatest mothers day memory, is last years on my very first mothers day myself, and that’s because that day when I looked at my mom, my vision of her changed forever, 27 years of hard work, sacrifice…for me and she no longer was just mom, she was truly a hero, and I am so proud to strive to be a mom just like her…Happy Mothers Day to Every Mommy!
On Mother’s Day last year.. we made a “Mom’s favorite things” gift basket. We bought her a big frilly flower pen, some notes cards, a cute new straw bag, and filled it with little gadgets. We even wrote her a poem about how wonderful she is having her adult children home, still cooking us dinner, still being a fulltime mom.
All of this was so great and we were so proud of ourselves, giving her a gift and then “a day to herself”. Hey, she asked for it.
Our presents always sound great until Meg’s boyfriend comes over and tells us how he sent his mom to the spa, or a private island or BLA BLA BLA!
You are one of the most deserving, thoughtful (marginally crazy), moms I know. Thank you for everything and I PROMISE, someday we will move out, and you will be getting Happy Mother’s Day cards from a different address.
I Love you!
Laura
What a lovely story! Thank you for the memory and for being the first one to enter our contest!
As Mother’s Day approached last year, I found myself feeling a little sad because I didn’t think I would be celebrating it as I once had. You see, my Mother had just moved out of state and so that meant our annual “Garden Brunch” was not going to happen. By garden brunch, I mean that every mothers day for the last ten or so years my mother and I, sometimes accompanied by a friend or another family member would visit one of the local botanical gardens where we would take lunch. Then I thought why couldn’t I celebrate this day with someone else’s mother? So, I went to my local Elks Lodge and asked if I could supply flowers for the tables at their Mother’s Day Brunch. They allowed me this. I can’t tell you how much it pleased me not only to provide the arrangements but the pleasure of sharing the beautiful flowers I had grown in my own gardens.