My life has officially reached the “Whatever” stage.
Up until now, I’d say I was in the “Run around like a maniac, trying to execute plans that never come to fruition” stage.
I’m done with that delusion.
In truth, I like a good plan. A plan makes me feel like I have some control. The idea behind a good plan is that you can see where you’re headed. By following certain steps, you reach a conclusion of your own design, the reward for your careful planning.
Here is a sample plan:
Wake early. Go for forty minute run (really a walk, but it sounds better).
Next, eat healthy breakfast while leisurely perusing the morning paper. Shower with luxurious body wash, dry and style hair and apply make-up. Dress in cute outfit.
At precisely 10 AM, log onto computer, check email for five minutes, then write complete column for next Tuesday’s blog since mom is coming for a visit next week and I need to get it done. Write another piece for Technorati Media and send out ten queries to agents and publishers for children’s book.
Meet Chris at for lunch at 1 PM.
Stop at grocery store to pick up fresh fish for dinner.
Home at 3 PM. Write another column for blog. (Why not get ahead?) Research delicious dinner recipe on Food Network site.
At 5 PM, prepare fabulous dinner while sipping a chilled glass of pinot grigio. Serve meal to round of applause from grateful family.
After dinner, indulge in intelligent conversation with husband while watching PBS and nibbling on a single square of dark chocolate. (Only 40 calories.)
Retire at 11:30 PM satisfied after a fulfilling, productive day. Fall asleep immediately, sleep soundly through the night and repeat the next day.
Here is what actually happens:
Oversleep. Then, look out the window and realize it’s already hot. Run up and down the steps three times and call it a workout. Cram Pop Tart in mouth while standing at the sink. Turn on the faucet and gulp a mouthful of water to wash it down. Paper never makes it inside.
Jump in the shower and realize there is only a sliver of soap left. Drop sliver down the drain and finish shower by washing body with shampoo. Yank mismatched shorts and shirt out of the drawer and throw them on. Skip hair and make-up.
At 11:15, turn on computer. At 11:35, continue to watch as computer boots up. Finally log on and get ready to start work when phone rings. Drop everything and spend 40 minutes dealing with kid’s non-starting car issue from 25 miles away. Call AAA, repeat soothing comments (to kid, not AAA) and wait until AAA arrives and starts car.
Chris cancels lunch. (To be fair, she moved back to Minnesota in December. It would be hard for her to make it.) Slap together a PB & J on two ends of bread (one white, one whole grain) and prepare to enjoy lunch. Pass calendar on way to fridge for a drink and realize I’m late for a dentist appointment. Tear upstairs, brush teeth and try to remove crunchy peanut butter remnants.
Arrive at dentist a half hour late for appointment. Since they now have to fit me in, wait another hour reading old copies of Highlights for Kids, which is no fun since some brat circled all the hidden picture objects in pen.
Return home desperate to get something accomplished only to be greeted by dog pee on the rug as I forgot to let her out before I left. Spend next 30 minutes cleaning pee. Remember that husband needs dress shirt pressed for appointment tomorrow. Discover that dress shirt first needs to be washed before it’s pressed. Get buried under four loads of laundry.
At 5:45, realize there is no dinner prepared. Throw chicken on grill (third night this week), grab a box of rice and toss some sad, wilted lettuce into a bowl. (There is no wine as I took the last swig from the bottle last night.) Put dinner on table. Get calls from kids and husband saying no one will be home to eat.
After dinner, grab a half gallon of ice cream and a spoon. Turn on E! Television and watch mindless crap all night. Get to bed at 12:30 after playing solitaire on computer from 11:00 PM until 12:15 AM. Sweat through seven hot flashes throughout the night, waking every time, plus twice to pee. Execute same itinerary the next day, starting with the oversleeping.
Really, “Whatever” is a much better plan. It’s what always happens anyway.
How well do your daily plans come off? Click “comments” below and share!
Same story for all of us; just the details change!
I’m sorry, I snorted out loud at some of this stuff, I had no idea that parts of my life were being repeated by other women throughout the country!
Misery loves sad lettuce company.