By: Mary Fran Bontempo
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Who says the news is all bad?

Last week Fox News reported on a study that basically gave us middle-aged girls a pass on strenuous exercise. Not that we needed a pass, as most of us weren’t doing it anyway, but we’ll take the absolution.

Now, three other studies not only confirm the first (“Women Who Exercise Often Hit Menopause Earlier”–well there’s another reason to lay off the exercise burn), but USA Today (God love them) has now reported that chocolate, “about two candy bars a week,” lowers a woman’s risk of stroke by 20 percent. Plus, a New York news website cites a study that vitamin “Supplements for Women May Do More Harm Than Good”.

I don’t know how accurate any of this is and frankly, I don’t care. I’ll happily and blindly follow any source that tells me I can sit on my butt, forgo pills and scarf down chocolate.

Yes, I realize that I may be amending the facts a bit but I don’t care about that either.
Further, I have a confession to make: I didn’t even read the studies. I just read the headlines. Really, what else matters?

I’m pretty sure everyone can agree that life’s been tough of late. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t need to delve too deeply into anything that makes my day to day a little easier. If some researcher has conducted a study that lets me off the hook about stuff I don’t want to do (Any exercise more strenuous than letting the dog out fourteen times a day is overkill), allows me to take a pass on jamming a fistful of medicines down my throat (Have you ever tried fish oil tablets? Yuck.) and endorses my treating chocolate as a major food group is okay with me.

Most of the women I know are just this side of overwhelmed. Perhaps the people who measure such things have sensed that half the planet is ready to jump and decided to throw us a bone, producing “studies” that will keep us from turning into a bunch of thumb-sucking zombies.

Each of the “studies” was conducted with a woman as the lead researcher. Could it be that these ladies have collectively conspired to save the female sisterhood by once and for all freeing us from all of the stuff we’re “supposed” to do and replacing it with a well deserved rest and some candy?

It really doesn’t matter. Regardless of the reasoning or truth behind any of it, I’m buying. Less exercise, no vitamins and chocolate.

I can’t wait to see what’s making headlines tomorrow.

What’s your favorite recent headline? Click “comments” below, and share!