By: Mary Fran Bontempo


Every year, the joyous music of Christmas Carols fills the air. However, few songs accurately convey the true experience of the season. Here’s my version (sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”) for we ladies in the middle. Feel free to sing along!




Walkin’ in a Menopause Wonderland


Sleigh bells ring; Are you listenin’?
Though it’s cold, my skin is glistenin’.
A frightening sight, I’m sweating tonight,
Walkin’ in a Menopause Wonderland.

Gone away, is my smooth skin.
Now it’s thin and it’s wrinklin’
My hair’s dried out, too; Is this happening to you?
Walkin’ in a Menopause Wonderland.

Since this started, I’ve been really grouchy.
Now with Christmas creeping up on me,
I’m crabbier than normal and always hungry,
A scary combination so you see,

I’ll buy and wrap all the presents,
Trim the tree, but then it’s my turn,
To sit on my butt, have wine and chocolate,
Cause I’m walkin’ in a Menopause Wonderland.

Walkin’ in a Menopause Wonderland.
Walkin’ in a Menopause Wonderland.

Hey, drop those cookies, fat man; they’re mine!


Happy Holidays and God bless us–everyone!

Do you have a favorite twisted Christmas Carol? Click comments below and share!