1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument
when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap
when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5.
I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told
you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to
do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word
and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not make any changes
14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so
I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite
17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Neighborhoods Where I May Get Killed” routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before
you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or
understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the
front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive
times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble
locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet
everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
24. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in
Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That
means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their
brain is also important. (Ladies…..Quit Laughing.)
Gotta admit it, ladies; it’s all true!