Enjoy the picture--it's all the inspiration you're getting.

Enjoy the picture–it’s all the inspiration you’re getting.

I’m going to come clean right now: there is nothing inspirational about the stuff coming next.

For the last 150 years, at least, that’s what it seems like, I’ve been working my ass off to launch the Not Ready for Granny Panties brand–blogging, writing books, speaking, doing radio shows, media interviews, writing for other people for no money (but we’ll give you great exposure…ugh!), blah, blah, blah.

Part of what I’ve learned in the process is that in order to increase readership, you should write a headline like the one above for the following reasons: it’s short, it promises something, and for some reason, people believe that if it’s in writing, it must be true. Well, it isn’t. I just wrote that so you’d read the column.

Most of this process has been great fun (except the “will you write for us for free” crap). But part of the brand thing means that you have to be “on” all of the time, advancing your mission, your books, your work. To do that, I often write stuff that sounds like I know what I’m talking about. It’s important stuff, and implies that I’m a deep thinker.

Sometimes I am. But sometimes I’m not. Often I’m not. In fact these days, with not one, but two grandchildren, three kids, two in-laws, my mother, my extended family, my husband’s mother, my fabulous friends, work buddies, Facebook friends (yes, some of them are real), I’m often thinking about stuff like this….

  1.  I know I gave Emma her sippy cup full of milk when we got in the car. Where the hell is it?
  2.  It’s Tuesday and I haven’t called my mother since Saturday. Crap.
  3.  I should be writing a column, but this video of Emma saying “motorcycle,” which sounds like something else,  is  hilarious. I have to watch it again.
  4.  This oatmeal tastes funny. How old is this milk?
  5.  When is Dave going to learn how to cut and paste something in Word? IT’S NOT THAT HARD!
  6.  It’s Thursday and I haven’t called my mother since Saturday. Crap.
  7.  What is that smell in the car? Oh, there’s the sippy cup.
  8.  I’m almost out of diapers. Well, at least they’re still for the babies and not for Dave and me.
  9.  Where is that missing tea cup to Emma’s tea set? Crack! Ouch! Dammit! Found it.
  10.  Okay, time to write. This is really hard and I’m still waiting for my million dollar paycheck. Maybe I should get a job. I’d love to work in  a bridal salon. Is Say Yes to the Dress on today? What time is it? What day is it? Geez, it’s Friday and I haven’t  called my mother since last Saturday.
  11.  Crap.

If you still need inspiration, how about this: Despite the above, I occasionally manage to get it together and write something that makes sense. If you ask me, that’s a miracle.